Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Baby Advice from a Dad

 As Moms, we love to buy useless and the newest gadgets. It is nice to get a male perspective and what he thinks are the bare necessities. My wonderfully hilarious husband sent one of his best friends, who was soon to be a first time Dad a very long email describing what he thinks one would need to buy to take care of baby. I decided to let y'all read it. Enjoy.


I narrowed down the best urban strollers that are compact and lightweight for you.

Uppababy cruz
22 lbs

Bugaboo Bee
18.5 lbs

You probably want to go to try out the strollers to see what wifey likes:

*buy the cup holder attachment too for the stroller so you can hold your drink.  You need to bring your own flask though, so you can pour the whiskey in your coke.
*you also need the sun canopy too for the stroller so your kid doesn't get cooked out in the sun or goes blind from the brightness. 

Mommy Hook

This clip attaches to your stroller so wifey can carry her loot that she scammed you into buying, or that nice Gucci purse you better buy her, since she is carrying your first-born kid.

Baby Carrier

Get the ergo baby so you can hang the kid off the FRONT of your body and walk around.
you'll look pimp with a little kid looking around and drooling on you.  Plus, you can smell the ish faster when they take a dump.

Nasal Aspirator

Sucks the snots out when they are sick.  They will get sick. They will suffer, it's sad.

Temporal Thermometer

Takes their temperature so you can figure out if they are sick or not.

Diaper Bag

Wifey:  Skip Hop Duo Deluxe

It's big, but not the biggest one, so she can carry all the stuff, baby bottles, diapers, wipes, change of clothers, hat, shoes, stun gun, cell phone, ipad

Tony:  Skip Hop Dash Deluxe

This is the guy version of the skip hop bag.  You can use this in confidence that you won't look like a girl when you carry this around.  It's smaller that the Skip Hop Duo Deluxe.  But fittingly so, you aren't the mom, so you don't have the responsibility to carry all the baby crap around. That's actually her job.  You don't carry all that around as a man.  You'll forget stuff, but most importantly, you need baby wipes and diapers, baby bottle, and a change of clothes, and you'll be fine.

Sophie the Giraffe Teether Toy

Chew toy for the baby.  It squeaks so you can have loads of fun annoying wifey at restaurants or in bed.  Plus it amuses the kid.

Booginhead SippiGrip

Use this bad boy to tie down whatever the kid is playing with, ie. the giraffe, so they don't throw it on the ground and you forget.

Miracle Blanket 

Swaddles the kid so they shaddup and go to sleep.  Newborns are a pain in the ass.  Learn to swaddle, youtube it.

Desitin - diaper rash cream

This helps against butt rash, the kid is gonna get rash .  Use the maximum strength purple box Desitin.  The other butt rash stuff doesn't work.

Diaper Wipes

I use the Costco Kirkland ones currently, since the 2nd kid isn't as sensitive as the first  was when changing diapers.

If your kid is sensitive, use the Huggies pure-natural wipes.  They are the best for sensitive skin.


There are two major brands, Huggies and Pampers.  Everything else pretty much only equal or just plain sucks.  If you want to be real  cheap about it, then get the cloth diapers, you just need to clean up the crap yourself and wash them in the washing machine. But it reduces the costs of diapers.  hahahahaha

Use HUGGIES for girls and pampers for boys.

Baby Nail Cutter

This one is fine, the ones with the microscope or magnifying glass are useless.  Plus you can't see anyways after 15 years of staring at shell scripts and microsoft excel, so the magnifying glass nail cutters will only make you go blind faster.

Baby Wise

I suggest you read this book, make sure you get the book.  The book teaches you how to be a cold-hearted -mofo to your newborn to train them on how to sleep through the night.  Don't be a loser and coddle your kid when they are crying at night, they'll learn that behavior (either you or wifey is a wimp. I put my money on you) and mess you up the rest of their lives with stupid annoying things while you want to go to bed.  

This works for what the book says, trust me. You'll thank me.  If you ever plan on having sex with your wife again, read it, apply it, learn it.  Just do it.


Wait for the next gen HD screen, every kid needs an ipad.  Side load your own  movies onto the ipad.  If you don't have an IPAD, I suggest that you seriously invest in one.  It acts as another babysitter and provides countless hours of educational enjoyment for the kid.

* make sure you get the otterbox indestructible screen case though eventually.  Ours kid has already broken one screen on her ipad already.